Anxiety Tools – Know how to distinguish expected from manufactured emotions.

Tip #4: Be curious, observe the anxiety and check it out.

You can describe your anxiety and what triggers it. You can tell how long you have felt this anxious. You can list what you have done to control it. You can show how it affects your life. So, why am I suggesting that you observe it and check it out? What do I mean by expected or manufactured? Am I telling you that you have no reason to feel anxious? Of course not …

At times when I introduce the idea of observing our emotions clients are puzzled. Some people experience anxiety as who they are, not as something that is happening in the moment. They see themselves as “I am an anxious person”, not as “I am feeling anxious.” For those that define themselves as being an “anxious person” it may feel offensive and unhelpful that someone wants to examine what they say or who they are. Ouch!

However, trying to control anxiety is not working either. So, I propose we look with curiosity and openness to see what else can be done. We can decide if the emotion is expected or manufactured and work from there. Our brains are designed to experience emotions and the emotion of anxiety is designed as a signal that “danger” is ahead. But is it?

This is important to know because if there is “danger” ahead we have the opportunity to use our problem-solving skills. However, if the “danger” is of our own creation we have to opportunity to challenge our thinking or go forward despite our catastrophic predictions. Let’s look at one example.

You have to give a talk at work, and you have never done it before, you feel anxious because …

“I don’t know how to do this, I might mess this up”: this sounds like expected anxiety. It is dressed rehearsal time! Practice with family and friends before giving the talk. Be kind to yourself because you are a “newbie” at this.

“I know I will look stupid, and I cannot stand being judged”: this sounds like manufactured anxiety. Consider questioning your prediction by asking yourself and others that care about you how this sounds. Is this prediction too extreme? Consider giving the talk, even if you feel anxious, if giving this talk is part of an important goal. Be kind to yourself because you are a “newbie” at this.

How was that exercise?

If your reaction is “I never thought about it this way”, you already showed openness and curiosity. I encourage you to journal and observe the reasons for feeling anxious. You may discover solutions that you never thought about before.

But if your reaction is, “yeah right, easy for you to say”, I encourage you to consider using openness and curiosity and determine if your search to eliminate anxiety is working. You are correct, taking a step back and checking it out is not easy, but is worth it.

your advocate,