Anxiety Tools – Don’t let the Mind Bully win
Tip #2:
Stay in the present, refuse to believe the Mind Bully
Our common experience: getting stuck thinking about something in the future and planning for contingency after contingency.
Sometimes, we believe that if we think hard enough, we can figure out everything that may happen. After all, if we say that we are responsible and capable we must be prepared for everything, I mean everything. Right?
The process goes like this: we say, “I will do …(action)” and then we think “well, what if?” Then we say “Oh, no! (anxious tone) … Ok, in that case then I will do… (action)” and the mind says “well, what if?”, and around and around we go. Somehow the anxiety stays around and … oops, we have been thinking and planning about this for 5 hours already. Where did the day go?
Our assumption is that if we think hard enough, we will be able to figure out everything that may happen. Bad news … this assumption is not true. We can predict based on our experience but there will never be a time when we can predict EVERYTHING that may happen, no matter how hard we think. The future, by definition, has not happened yet. Therefore, it is UNCERTAIN.
Yikes!
So, what can we do? A useful strategy is thinking of the “what ifs” as a Mind Bully. The more we engage with this bully the stronger the bully gets and the more “what ifs” it gives us. But what if what the Mind Bully is telling us is be very important?
Well… not really.
Think about all the times you created all kinds of contingency plans, and nothing happened, or worst yet, what actually happened was not part of your contingency plans. In fact, trying to control uncertainty can get pretty costly. Most of the time it leaves us tired, anxious, and worn out. We do not enjoy our lives because we are busy trying to control the future.
What then?
The best strategy to deal with the Mind Bully is to ignore it. Yes, ignore it. After 1 or 2 reasonable “plans” are formed when the Mind Bully tells you the next “well, what if” you stand up for yourself and respond “well, I don’t know, I will figure it then, this is not my first rodeo you know, I am not listening to you I am busy with ….”
Use your own your own words and clearly state that you accept uncertainty and that you are busy with very important things at this very moment. After all, you cannot be expected to know everything that is going to happen. Shift your focus to what you have in front of you, to what matters, and ignore the bully. That is,
STAY IN THE PRESENT!
I hope you consider this strategy if the “what if” Mind Bully is making you anxious and stealing your time. If this is a new habit for you it will take practice. Eventually the Mind Bully gets smaller and it’s just annoying (happy to share that mine is in the annoying phase). Here is the Mind Bully handout for you.
https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/media/xf1o5uye/themindbully.pdf
your advocate,
